E-BOOK Anna Todd - After We Collided

HARDIN

I can’t feel the icy concrete under me or the snow settling over me. I can feel only the hole that was ripped through my chest. I’m kneeling helplessly, watching as Zed pulls out of the parking lot with Tessa in the passenger seat.

I couldn’t have imagined this—never in my wildest fucking dreams would I have thought that I’d feel this type of pain. The sting of loss, I’ve heard it called. I haven’t had anything or anyone to cherish, never felt the need to have someone, to make them completely mine, I haven’t wanted to hold on to someone so fiercely. The panic—the complete and utter fucking panic of losing her—wasn’t planned. None of this was. It was supposed to be easy: sleep with her, get my money and my bragging rights over Zed. Pretty cut-and-dried. Only it didn’t happen that way. Instead, the blond-haired girl in the long skirts who obsessively makes long to-do lists crept her way inside of me until, slowly, I fell for her so hard that I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t realize just how much I loved her until I was vomiting into a sink after showing my fucked-up friends the proof of her stolen virginity.

I hated it, hated every moment of it . . . but I didn’t stop.

I won the bet, but I lost the only thing that has ever made me happy. And along with that, I lost every ounce of goodness she made me see in myself. As the snow soaks into my clothes, I want to blame my father for passing his addiction on to me; I want to blame my mum for staying with him for too long and helping create such a fucked-up child; I want to blame Tessa for ever speaking to me. Hell, I want to blame everyone.

But I can’t. I did this. I ruined her and everything we had.

But I’ll do whatever it takes to make up for my mistakes.

Where is she going now? Is it someplace where I’ll ever find her?